Expect disappointment so that you’ll never be disappointed. That’s advice from MJ in the Tom Holland era Spider-Man series. At least it is until the mid point of “No Way Home” (2021).
The character comes to realize that in order to truly pursue something meaningful, you must risk disappointment.
I’ll always ask my clients at the beginning of their workouts how they’re feeling. Whether or not any muscles are sore or if there’s anything we need to be aware of as we start the session. Commonly, I hear things like “I don’t know yet” or “everything seems okay so far”.
They’re refusing to say they feel good because it risks being disappointed if they start feeling bad. It’s as if they say “hold your horses I could fall down and break at any moment”.
People who start by assuming they’re good to go are outliers.
If you’ve been reading my blogs lately, you probably know that I think we need more outliers.
So start with good.
Who cares how things might go in a little bit. Right now, don’t be so hesitant to think or say yep I’m ready to go.
Put something on the line and place a bet on yourself. If MJ can learn to risk disappointment, so can you.
It’s the only path to achievement. The assumption that what’s to come might go well is necessary for us to move toward anything worth doing. The alternative is stagnation and complacency.
Back when I was a real estate agent, one of my first ever clients came to me looking to buy a specific house that was listed and within their budget. It would have been a bit rushed in order to make something happen on that one, so they opted not to go for it, but the search for a house then started.
3 years later, they still had not made a purchase. Every time there was a great property for sale, they would find a reason not to buy it. Their assumption was that something would go wrong, so they never pulled the trigger and became homeowners. At least not while I was working with them. I fired them as clients after 3 years because I was sick of wasting my time showing them perfect properties and then listening to all the reasons it could go wrong. I don’t know if they ever ended up buying a home, but if I was to make a bet on that, I’d bet they didn’t.
Sure, they’ll never be disappointed they bought the wrong home, but they’ll never be homeowners either. Had they bought that first house, they’d be a half million dollars richer by now.
They didn’t start with good.
Being an optimist is risky, I’ll give you that. But you disqualify yourself from the best that life has to offer by viewing your glass as half empty.
Sometimes I’m caught off guard by how hesitant people are just to simply say that today has been a good day so far.
If disaster has so far been averted, someone might hesitantly say that things aren’t too bad. Again, like at any moment it’s reasonable that everything will come crashing down.
If things aren’t bad, why are the expectations that they will be?
Please be an outlier and expect something good to happen. Or if nothing happens, interpret that as good.
Believe me, you’ll end up with your expectations more often than not. I know that because of the outliers modelling success for us.
Our oldest client, who may also be our wealthiest client, displays starting with good every time I see him.
He’ll waltz into the gym like it’s the first time he’s been there every time. Wide eyes, smile, looking for new people to greet, eager to give someone attention and ready to go. As we always do, we’ll gather how things are going with him before starting anything serious, and this is where he really stands out.
I’ll say “how ya feeling today?”
He’ll say “Great! It’s another gorgeous day, I played golf yesterday and we have a fridge full of delicious leftovers at home.”
I’ll respond, “That’s awesome! Is anything going to hold you back today?”
He’ll say “Nope! Ready to go!”
We’ll go back and forth a few more times and he’ll mention one of his grandkids, his wife and an event he’s going to soon.
We’ll both end up smiling, ready to take on the world and then he’ll say something like “okay let’s talk about my groin because it really hurts.”
The assumption is that life is dandy. It’s not that there aren’t obstacles, it’s that the good comes first.
Weeds are going to grow and we can’t get around it, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plant a garden.
We can deal with weeds while basking in the garden. This is what I try to get our clients to start saying.
Rather than looking for all the reasons you might feel bad and assuming you’ll find some, assume you feel good! Whatever comes up we’ll deal with but let’s start with good and go from there.
That’s how you avoid starting behind the eight ball.
— Cody
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See you next Thursday.
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