86. What Comes Out Is What’s Already In

Circumstance doesn’t make someone. It reveals them

Who you are is tested across all circumstances, so we can’t afford to rely on the scenario to determine how we show up.

When circumstances get bigger and more important, more of you is revealed. Like in the Stanley Cup playoffs when Brad Marchand shows up like an animal destined to win and Auston Matthews disappears into the shadows.

On the biggest stage, when things are most important, that is when your character shines through.

It’s why developing your character is so vital. We have to get to know ourselves so that we know what to do when it’s important.

Who are you when times are tough? How do you show up when everyone is relying on you? In the handful of pivotal moments we experience in life, will you write a story you’re proud of?

Be honest with yourself. Think back to a time you were tested. Maybe physically, emotionally, maybe with your spouse or your business. In those future defining moments, how did it go?

If you don’t think it went well, it’s okay, because now you know how to show up better, but the work has to start now. Don’t expect to become someone you’re not in big moments.

Becoming the person who handles the pressure, takes the lead, holds strong and maintains optimism has to come first. Only then is it reasonable to expect a superior result.

At the same time, you might discover that you haven’t been built for the spotlight, the game winning shot or the awe inspiring speech.

That’s okay too.

We’ve got to know what tools we have to work with so we know what tasks we can take on.

It takes a confident person to know when to pass the ball to someone else.

What I’m saying is that we can avoid the construction of our own failure.

Learn to set yourself up for success. Get to know yourself and your strengths. Take advantage of what you’re good at, and remember that there are people around you that have their own unique abilities as well.

You don’t have to do it alone. No high performer does.

I recall listening to a preacher who did speaking gigs all over North America describe his travel schedule. It was hectic, and he visited many cool places, but what he emphasized was that he never travelled alone. The reason was because he had a wife and kids back at home who were his highest priority. Doing anything that would hurt them would destroy him, so he never travelled alone. Why? So he wouldn’t feel lonely in some fancy place on the road and be tempted to hook up with another woman. It wasn’t a safety issue. It was for accountability. He knew it was reasonable that he may be in positions with temptations all around him, so he avoided further construction of his own failure by having someone at his side at all times.

By not travelling alone where no one would ever know, he was saying that he didn’t trust himself to take the game winning shot. Sure, he might make it, in fact he probably would, but by deferring, he guaranteed a win every time.

It’s easy for us to say that we would or wouldn’t do something in the heat of the moment, but we just don’t know until we get there.

Who do you think you would be in the heat of battle? If you’re unsure, my suggestion would be to decide now. Don’t leave it to chance.

What does your life require of you? Can you take it? Are there people around you that you could defer to if necessary?

You can’t become someone else because hell broke loose around you. If you’ve ever seen someone appear to flip a switch in big moments, trust me, they’ve practiced and trained for those moments.

It’s awesome to see people rise to the occasion and do amazing things. Let’s just not forget that it wasn’t in that moment that they became capable. They already were.

It may be that it takes a new experience to bring out another side of you, but it was already there. It’s just now being revealed.

If you don’t like what comes out of you in certain circumstances, don’t blame the circumstances. Learn, but don’t blame. This is your opportunity to improve.

If you’ve ever thought to yourself wow I thought I would’ve handled that better, consider yourself lucky. The next time will be even more important. You’ll know what to do, because in the meantime you can be practicing.

Maybe you’ll have to defer or recruit help, or maybe you can develop a new version of yourself. Whatever the case, remember that what’s going to come out of you is already there. This being the case, never stop learning, never stop growing and seeking new experiences. Accept new challenges as opportunities to add to your arsenal of tools you’ll probably need again in the future.

Extenuating circumstances will reveal who you really are, which is why the most extraordinary people who have ever lived all endured extreme adversity. They don’t write books about struggles except when they come with the revelation of high character.

Maybe the toughest parts of your life are there to push you to who you’re meant to become.

— Cody

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See you next Thursday.

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