51. Stop Explaining

One thing I think we need to do less of is explain ourselves, and I think the route of our explanations comes from a lack of confidence in what we’re doing. We’re unsure, so we explain the process of how we ended up where we ended up in case anyone questions where we ended up. If you remember one thing from today, I hope it’s that you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.

You don’t have to explain why you’re doing what you’re doing or why you did what you did. Hopefully you have a reason, but you don’t need to tell me what it is. Last year I was sent message after text after email from someone who was trying to explain to me why they weren’t going to list their house with me. Before I could respond, another message would come in, and eventually I had to put a stop to it. I told them they owed me nothing and that the reasons for using another real estate agent could remain their own. Whether or not I understood or agreed with their explanation would be irrelevant because the end result would be the same. I don’t know why they made their decision and I don’t think it would make anything better if I did.

No one will ever see things just the same as you do, so attempting to explain yourself to the world is a lost cause. Now it is to your benefit to offer a rationale for some important decisions, at least if you’d like to keep your most important relationships, but let your motivation for explaining be that you want them to know, not so you can avoid judgement.

When we bought a Tesla, one of the first questions we got about it was “why did you get a Tesla?”, which I thought was a silly question. This person thought there would be an explanation, one that they could argue with, so what difference would it make if there was one or not? My answer was “because we wanted to”, which was both a true and an incomplete answer. Why should I have to justify my decisions to anyone who asks? Why should you? At the same time, there’s the flip side to consider.