47. How to Lose Friends and De-motivate People

One book I think should be required reading for anyone before they graduate high school is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. When I first read the book, I drafted my top 3 takeaways as I do whenever I read a new book. The one I’ll focus on today is this:

You could re-interpret my third takeaway by saying something like the golden rule: treat others how you’d like to be treated. Or, you could make it even simpler and just say be nice.

If you’re absolutely opposed to reading the book, that’s the best summary of it there is. If you’d like to win friends and influence people, please just be nice. Before you do anything, just ask yourself is this nice? If the answer is yes, then your opportunity to win friends and influence people is alive and well. If not, that’s your cue to rethink your move.

Naturally, this can be fairly difficult to do on an every day basis, so to stop, pause and ask yourself a question before you do everything is hardly realistic. That said, there is one time it’s particularly essential, and that time is during your first encounter with another individual. First impressions are pivotal to winning friends and influencing people, and it’s worth considering because we make first impressions nearly every day.

This isn’t just about your first impression with your wife’s boss, your boyfriend’s dad or your new neighbour. If you want a legitimate shot at earning some influence and garnering new friends, think more about your interactions with people you think you may only ever meet once. Like the lady at the post office handing you your package, the store front greeter at the repair shop or the presenter at your company’s mandatory webinar. Don’t think how you treat these people goes unnoticed, and the same goes for the reverse. Maybe you work at the post office and hand 100 people their mail every day. That’s 100 first impressions you’re making. Don’t think they won’t remember you.

Our day to day interactions form who we are, so be nice if you want to stand out as someone who could be a friend. I’ve come across some people that I’ll always remember as people I wouldn’t be friends with and certainly couldn’t have influence on me despite any efforts made. One of them worked at the post office.