110. It’s Up to You

I shared a podcast episode I had listened to with someone recently because it had to do with what we had talked about. The next time I saw them I asked what they thought. They said it was good but they just kept waiting.

“Waiting for what?”

“For answers! For them to tell me what to do!”

I didn’t, but I wanted to respond with something along the lines of I hope you have a comfy chair to sit on while you wait, because you’ll be there a while.

Nobody has the answers.

Everyone is just making it up as they go.

Thinking otherwise might leave you with desperate feelings of inadequacy.

Can we agree that I don’t know your life quite like you do? Does anyone know your situation? All the details of your health, wealth, family history, dreams and desires. Does anyone understand all of it besides you?

No.

And that being the case, perhaps it’s best to come to your own conclusions.

Reality is that everyone else is too busy trying to come to theirs to help you with yours, so let’s collectively look inward, because no one is coming to save you.

Does that sound harsh? Is it naive to believe that our lives are the product of our own conclusions? You might think so, and I’d invite you to tell me why, but this is what I’ve concluded so far.

Any alternatives left me as a victim, which I grew tired of. We can all reasonably conclude that we’ve been victims of circumstance, but it’s exhausting feeling like the world is conspiring against me.

I hope you know that the world is not conspiring against you. Whatever you need to live an extraordinary life is within your grasp. If you feel you’re missing some answers, you can find them. You can get the resources, talk to the right people, read the right book and hear the right message to fill any gaps you think you might have.

Then it’s up to you.

The world owes you nothing no matter how true it is that you deserve something. Your day today, your week, month, year and your life will come down to what you choose to do with it.

What will you do today?

Don’t look at the weather app or your calendar. Decide for yourself what direction you’ll trend towards today. Decide for yourself who you are. Nobody is coming along with an instruction manual, so pull up your socks, splash some water on your face and decide for yourself what to do.

And what if things change?

They will. So be ready. What will you do when things change? What will you do when this happens or that happens? You’ll have to face it one way or another, and it will just be you to face it alone. Other people might be there, but just like you might wish they’d save the day for you, they might need you to save the day for them.

None of this means having people in our lives can’t drastically improve our circumstances. It’s necessary to not just co-exist, but to come together with others. People are stronger together, and tough circumstances tend to be easier with close people close by.

But nobody can step into the ring for you.

You get the final say, so it’s time to speak up.

Don’t be a victim. It’s hard for everyone, not just you. The person you think has it easy, doesn’t. In fact, it would be helpful for that person if you took control of your own life because then you might be able to help them with theirs.

There’s a saying that you can’t pour into someone else’s life if you don’t have a full cup. Therefore, if you want to be of assistance to others, fill that cup of yours first. Don’t go looking for someone else to solve your problems and think it’s reasonable you might be helpful to others.

I’ve found this to be true.

It’s why I couldn’t coach people in fitness if I was unfit. My hands would be full trying to get fit let alone trying to help someone else do the same. If you’ve ever had a trainer who wasn’t fit, well that’s just not right.

Dan Martell speaks to this and agrees that advice should not be taken from anyone who has not already done or experienced what they’re speaking on. Interesting, because you’re the only one who’s gone through just what you’ve gone through. Does that mean you shouldn’t listen to anyone?

No, but it does mean you’ll have to come to your own conclusions. What we have to go off of is other people’s experiences. We can then develop the ability to relate that to our own lives. This is what good authors and speakers do. They tell stories that they hope their audience can relate to.

My hope is that you understand that my words and opinions come from my own unique experiences. What you read is not meant to sway you one way or another. It’s meant to be interesting enough to make you ponder for a moment that there may be a new way to approach something. Perhaps even a new and improved way.

If not, don’t underestimate the power of hearing about what not to do. Concluding what not to do can be just as helpful as concrete evidence in favour of something. It’s like when Jim Rohn used to tell people to go tour the poorest neighbourhoods in their communities so they could learn what not to do. He’d say would you like to live there? No? Then figure out what they do and don’t do it.

So let’s be clear. No blogger, podcaster, author, family member or news reporter has the crystal ball you’re looking for. That magic wand that ensures every decision is the right one doesn’t exist.

Get used to it.

We can be the victim and fall prey to circumstance, or we can smile, nod, look around and conclude I guess it’s up to me.

— Cody

PS: If you have thoughts about this or any other issue of Coffee With Cody, I’d love to hear them.

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See you next Thursday.

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